Official Deer Hunter

Growing up, I was never much for deer hunting. Fishing? Oh yeah. I liked that. Plenty of movement, multiple castings per minute. But deer hunting?....Putting a non-medicated ADD dude like me in a deer stand and asking me to sit there by myself for hours and have about a 13% chance of seeing a deer and only about a 7% chance of shooting one...no thanks, I'll pass. My 2 brothers and Dad are big hunters, but I just could never catch the fever.

But, tonight, I consider myself officially a deer hunter. Now I must clarify something. My methods are somewhat UN-conventional. In fact, you might say they are illegal. You see, what I do is load up my 98 GMC Suburban, load it down with Christmas gifts, 4 kids, and a gorgeous wife (any points there babe?), and travel down Hwy 72 east towards Scottsboro, AL...just outside Huntsville, AL. And my trick is to get the deer (a dough in this instance...but a big one) to leap out at my car....kamikaze style. In doing so, my vehicle - traveling around 65-70 mph - enters a battle with this ferocious beast. The battle is very quick. Let's say around .4672 of a second. There's really no pain involved (for you PETA folk). It's over before you know it.

And that's how I nabbed my first deer tonight. (Poor thing.) Fortunately everyone is OK (not the deer of course) and my State Farm buddies will get a visit from me tomorrow. The 3 large dents on the right side are quite impressive.

Wonder if putting the deer urine on the front hood made it an unfair advantage?